I Miss My Brain

Two weeks ago, I was involved in a six car pile up on the M5. Driving down to Glastonbury, the car in front of me braked, so I braked. Since I’d been driving under the speed limit, leaving plenty of space between me and the car in front, this should not have been a problem.

However, some numpty in an Audi rammed into me from behind at such a speed that not only did he push me forward across the gap between me and the car in front, he made sure that my car was tangled up with it. Alas, my poor car, bought with the money I won on The Chase, did not survive the accident. Luckily, I did.

However, although I survived, I did not survive unscathed. I knew the instant I’d been hit that I had whiplash because of the force of the impact and this was confirmed by the paramedic on the scene. When I went to see my GP after the weekend (the accident was on a Friday), she told me that she suspected that I had concussion as well.

Since then, I’ve had a permanent headache, along with various other aches and pains. This is hard enough, but what I’m struggling to cope with is the loss of my usual brain function. I’m used to working at a million miles a minute, juggling multiple children’s classes with home education while building my writing career. All of that’s come crashing to a halt over the past couple of weeks and it’s not showing any signs of letting up any time soon.

My typing speed, my wonderful typing speed that lets me write up to 2,500 words per hour, has slowed to a snail’s pace as my hands fumble over the keyboard. And words, the all-important tools of my trade, dribble out of my ears and refuse to behave on command. I can have conversations, but if I do not make a point when I think of it, I’ll forget it and lose track completely of what has been discussed. Any attempt at doing something productive is short-lived, as my head starts pounding, as if someone is hitting it from the inside with a hammer, yelling “don’t even think about thinking!” while my neck feels as though I’ve been run over by a bus. Unsurprising, given what I went through, but still horribly frustrating.

So I wanted to start posting here about my plans for my writing career, including building a self-published portfolio alongside my So Vain books. I wanted to talk about the trials and tribulations of self publishing and the lessons I’ve learned as I try to build an income to replace my freelance work.

Instead, all I’m going to say is that I miss my brain. I hope it comes back soon.